40 Things To Do at 40 (Part 1): Turning 40 & Rebuilding My Identity

I’m about to turn 40.

And instead of fearing it, I feel wide awake.

This birthday hasn’t crept up on me. 

I’ve felt it approaching for months. Not in a negative way, but almost as a reckoning. 

A moment to look back at the woman I was, the woman I became and the one I am still uncovering. 

Because if the last decade taught me anything, it’s this: life can fall apart. 

But it can also be rebuilt.

Turning 40 feels less like getting older and more like understanding the intuitive pull to listen inside of me and ask…

What do I actually want the next decade to hold? 

I’ve been thinking a lot about mortality. About who is here to celebrate this birthday with me. And who isn’t. 

About how fragile and ferocious the last ten years have been. 

So, for me, turning 40 doesn’t feel like a milestone. It feels like a marker. 

A moment to consciously choose how I want to live.

I’m writing this series of blogs for me. To hold me accountable and to actively choose conscious meaning.

I’d love for you to join me on this journey…

You never know, you might feel inspired or motivated or at least not alone in your thoughts and feelings in such a loud, noisy world.

So, if you’re ready, let’s begin…

Turning 30 vs Turning 40

I remember when I turned 30. I freaked out a little bit. 

It felt like I had really reached adulthood, and with that came so many forms of pressure and responsibility. I cried on my birthday. I always cry on my birthday. I don’t know why. 

I think sometimes the expectation of birthdays doesn’t always live up to the reality. Or maybe it's because it’s a time when I miss my dad (he died when I was 22). Or maybe it’s the realisation that life is short.

But turning 40 feels completely different. 

The previous decade has been the most life-changing and altering years of my life. 

I’ve gone from trundling along, living a “good” life, to rock bottom. From the depths of depression to rebuilding my life. From loss to starting again and creating a life I never thought was possible.

My 30th started with a wonderful trip to Paris with my then-husband.

He really did pull out all the stops, trying to make it memorable and include all the things I loved the most. We had dinner in the Eiffel Tower, explored Versailles and the Louvre, had champagne on a river ride down the Seine and danced in the Moulin Rouge.

I didn’t realise it was the beginning of the end.

Loss, Miscarriage and the Years That Broke Me

After that, we decided it was time we started our own family (my husband had 2 children already from a previous relationship). 

Over the next couple of years, I had 2 missed miscarriages. 

A missed miscarriage is an uncommon term. It’s where you lose the baby, but your body still thinks it's pregnant. You don’t find out until you have the scans and have to have surgical procedures to remove what is inside.

It brings about a specific kind of grief that feels confusing, isolating and resentful of yourself.

Around 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, yet many women suffer quietly.

After speaking with several women over the years, I’ve come to realise that it's more common than I thought. So, why is it not talked about?

I also lost one of my closest friends to cervical cancer. Work was awful; they piled huge amounts of responsibility and pressure on me with very little money and undermined me at every opportunity to advance. I didn’t see friends much. I drank a lot.

By the time my son came into the world in 2020, depression had already crept in, but I wasn’t fully aware of it. 

I was functioning, but hollow…

Like the scenes of the world around me were being played out like a movie, but I wasn’t really part of it.

Add to that that the world was in a very “different” state of being during Covid, and it wasn’t long until things hit rock bottom. And I didn’t see it coming.

Severe Postnatal Depression and Starting Again

About a month after my son was born, it was like everything inside me blew open.

I didn’t recognise it at first. I thought I was just tired. Or failing. Or ungrateful.

A numbness had taken over that I can’t begin to describe. I had no emotions of any kind. I didn’t care about anything or anyone.

Luckily, those closest to me knew something was wrong.

In the UK, around 1 in 7 women experience postnatal depression. Some studies suggest it may be higher, especially during the pandemic years. 

Every single person’s experience of depression is different, but once I started getting support with medication, I had this strong, unwavering feeling that everything was wrong…

I didn’t know who I was anymore. 

I was just someone’s wife. Someone’s mother. Someone’s daughter.

And I made a decision that everyone said I would regret…

I left everything.

I left my job, my husband, my home, my dog…

Nothing felt right, so I went to live with my mum while I started trying to rebuild my identity.

I had every kind of therapy available and discovered the power of life coaching to begin looking forward rather than backwards.

But it was when I began volunteering as a zookeeper that things really started changing.

Such a change in direction. Being outside all the time. Being with animals and nature. It opened something up inside me that had been lost for a long time.

THAT was the turning point in rebuilding my life.

Rebuilding a Life From Scratch

Over the next 5 years, a lot of things changed…

I started my own business, The Creative Assistant, which turned into The Creative Copywriter and is now in its sixth year of doing wonderful work with heart-led entrepreneurs all over the world.

I bought my own house and was able to provide everything financially for Ted and me… our own little life together was growing and blossoming every day, and it was beautiful.

I travelled to America to appear on Fox 4’s “Women of Influence” TV segment, talking about my business and how we help people, as well as meeting some beautifully incredible women with whom I still keep in touch today.

I met an old friend who became a new partner in life and business, and it feels goosebumpy weird how much of the values and life we wanted to build were the same. He now lives with us, our own little family.

I qualified as an accredited life coach, have a certification in Journal therapy and as a nature-connection practitioner, and I’m about to start my Wilderness Therapy Interventions course… the first stepping stone to becoming a Wilderness Psychotherapist.

I now have two other businesses. This one...Earthen Roots... brings all my soul-led qualifications together and has a different kind of impact on the people I work with.

And Creative Wild Women, a CIC, with two women I love most in the world…

… what a whirlwind 10 years it has been.

Turning 40 feels less like ageing and more like shedding. Like bark peeling from a tree.

Not becoming someone new but remembering who I’ve always been.

Why I’m Creating 40 Things To Do at 40

As my 40th birthday approaches, I’m reminded of all the beauty and ferocity of life and that I am lucky to be alive. 

My friend who died would have turned 40 with me this year. Her birthday is a couple of days after mine. But she died in 2017. She isn’t here to celebrate turning 40 with her family and friends. 

So, what can I do to mark this in my own private way? Both to myself for reaching this milestone, but also as a nod to her. Life is precious. And yes, I am trying to take full advantage of it.

And so I decided that this year I wanted to make a list of 40 things that I wanted to do in my 40th year.

Some would be big things, but a lot of them would be smaller micro-experiences or challenges to try something new or push me out of my comfort zone.

I decided I wanted to document them through blogs and videos on Instagram, and I NEVER do videos on Instagram. I may chicken out in the end.

This is mainly for me. To keep myself accountable. To use the blog as a journal of these things. I’m BIG on journaling, and it’s a huge part of the work I do in Earthen Roots. (Check out journaling sessions here).

To look back and see each and every item ticked off, (I hope!).

But along the way, if it inspires someone else, or strikes a chord, or speaks to anyone who has ever had a hard time and can’t see a way out…

Then that would be wonderful too. 

There are so many negative things online. This is meant to be a story of inspiration and hope.

So, I hope you join me for the next instalment, where I’ll share the full list of 40 things I’m committing to in my 40th year. 

And I’d love to know… what would be on yours?